How the Zelda Villains Stole Christmas
by The Hero's Shadow
Summary: ...or tried to at least :'


_It was the night before Christmas, and all through the night_

_Nothing made a sound, not even a Like-Like_

_All the presents laid beneath the Deku Tree_

_Awating all children; Hylian, Minish, and even the Kokiri_

_But the Zelda villians sealed inside the other realms_

_Had a very evil trick tucked inside their helms_

_"We will steal Christmas," they decided, rubbing their hands_

_As they all gathered together to dicuss their plans_

_Ganon, with the Triforce of Power, stole all of the Deku Trees_

_Zant, with insane joy, raised the temperature by 70 degrees_

_"With no snow and no trees it will hardly be Christmas!" they sang_

_"But can't I do something evil?" Vaati complained_

_"My short little friend," Ganon said with a sneer_

_"You will help us steal all of their presents this year!"_

_Ganon, Zant, Vaati, and Dark Link all crammed into a sleigh_

_And proceeded around the world to steal presents before Christmas day_

_Dressed in red Goron tunics with puff balls at the ends of their hats_

_They looked more or less like "Santa," no doubt about that_

_And they were joined by Ghirahim, Majora, and Twinrova as well_

_And decided to help the other baddies for a spell_

_They creeped into houses and left with stuffed bags_

_Twinrova tripped Dark Link who snapped, "Watch it, you old hags!"_

_All slingshots and gauntlets were taken away_

_Ocarinas, harps, and masks were also thrown into the sleigh_

_All around the worlds, all the races would wake up sad_

_Because all of their presents had been taken by the Zelda characters who had gone bad_

_"The Minish will not get magic beans," Vaati giggled_

_"The Gerudo will not get makeup," Ganon laughed, feeling fickle_

_"Sheikah and Zora and Goron alike_

_Will suffer their losses once it becomes daylight!"_

_"This fills my heart with rainbows!" Girahim exclaimed_

_Dancing around a bit, much to everyone's dismay_

_But once everything had been taken, they still weren't satisfied_

_Majora murmured, "There is still one house that we haven't stop by..."_

_And they all remembered the boy who had each time in the past_

_Saved the world and kicked each Zelda villian's ass_

_"We'll ruin this holiday for him and team up on him tonight!_

_He'll never know what hit him!" Ganon chuckled as the sleigh once again took flight_

_(Vaati is a wind mage, I'm sure you all know?_

_Who says he wasn't conjuring some sort of tornado?)_

_Ready for revenge, the villians landed outside Link's home_

_"Let's get lootin'!" said Link's dark clone_

_All of them snuck in, and began packing away presents_

_Scowling as they hoped they'd hurt the boy that they resented_

_But there were footsteps descending the stairs and they froze_

_Link, in his green tunic, was standing sleepily in the doorway, rubbing his nose_

_"Santa," the Hylian teen boy asked the villain crew_

_"Why in the Goddesses name are there five of you?"_

_A small cough passed between the group as they took a step backward_

_And Dark Link whispered uncomfortably, "Awkwaaaard..."_

_"Well you see dear lad," Ghirahim stepped forward and said with a small sigh_

_"Delivering presents was so much work so I split into five!"_

_"Oh, alright..." Link shrugged as Ghirahim realized the Hero of Time was standing under the mistletoe_

_Without a second thought he leaned forward to kiss his lips but missed and got his nose_

_Ghirahim fell face first onto the floor and Link began to blush_

_The Demon Lord himself cursed silently that his plans had been crushed_

_"Santa, are you alri-" Link began but was cut short and then_

_The other "Santas" were crowding around him, not to be thwarted by him again!_

_"To bed, you sleepy teen," crooned Twinrova, "you must be tired, I would guess?_

_Let us finish our work here, that would be nice, yes?"_

_Link nodded and the others held onto Ghirahim tightly_

_"Don't forget," they told him, "he is the enemy!"_

_"But," argued Ghirahim, "we are bound by destiny!_

_Maybe that includes me taking his virginity-"_

_"Enough!" snapped Vaati, standing before the Demon Lord_

_"If anyone would get Link, it would be me, not a sword!"_

_And they all began to get into an argumentative knot_

_Over who should get Link because they all thought he was hot_

_Soon, they began to forget the point of their mission_

_While fighting for Link's affection became their new transition_

_And Link watched from around the corner, perturbed but also relieved_

_He had known from the beginning that those Santas had been his enemies_

_And as they all wore themselves out he took back his presents and snuck out to the sleigh_

_And vowed to returned all the stolen gifts before Christmas day_

_He gave back everyone their Heart Container candy and gauntlets made of gold_

_With ice arrows and his Rod of Seasons he returned the snow and made it cold_

_And all in one night he gave back everything the Zelda villains had taken_

_He returned home happy, knowing everyone else would be too when they awakened_

_And Link turned on his side, snuggling into his bed_

_When he felt a diamond gloved hand caress the side of his head_

_"So, Hero of Time, now that you've saved Christmas right on cue_

_Why not make my Christmas wish come true~?"_

* * *

><p>AN: Happy Holidays everyone~


End file.
